When you’re requested to be a bridesmaid (or a groomsman) you’re supposed to leap for pleasure, give your thanks and settle for the supply with out a second of hesitation.
In fact there are exceptions, like monetary issues, well being points and if you’re requested by somebody you’ve by no means even met earlier than (true story). In these instances, it is sensible why you’d flip down the chance to be within the wedding ceremony get together (and all of the duty that comes with it).
The AskReddit tales that comply with don’t all fall into the above ‘acceptable’ purpose column, however most nonetheless make a nice deal of sense when you learn them.
- 1 1. Excited for her
- 2 2. She obtained mad
- 3 three. A proposition
- 4 four. Egocentric
- 5 5. Very bizarre
- 6 6. Sister story
- 7 7. An extended story
- 8 eight. You don’t know me
- 9 9. Not a good concept
- 10 10. No thanks
- 11 11. Brief discover
- 12 12. A real bridezilla
- 13 13. Drama
- 14 14. Not on talking phrases
- 15 15. You’re disinvited
1. Excited for her
“She requested, and thus ended up being one of many first individuals I advised I used to be pregnant. I couldn’t even go to the marriage—I lived 500 miles away and on the marriage day I used to be eight months pregnant on no-travel orders. Child was born 2 weeks later.
Bride was excited, not indignant.
Over a decade later I’m nonetheless unhappy I missed that wedding ceremony although—so lots of our buddies and households haven’t all been collectively since.”
2. She obtained mad
“I was a broke college student that had my own bills to pay on a student worker part time wage. She expected me to buy my own dress, and the one she picked out was $400 and refused to change to a cheaper one. I literally made $400 per month so there was no way I could afford it. She got mad and has not talked to me since, which does not bother me because she was being extremely selfish.”
three. A proposition
“I’ve stated no at the least 3 times as a result of I completely hate being a bridesmaid. However every time I’ve provided to play violin for the ceremony as an alternative. All 3 times I used to be taken up on the supply.
Saved me the expense of being a bridesmaid, saved the bride $ on music for the ceremony (I all the time performed these weddings free of charge), and I nonetheless received to be an essential a part of the occasion. Win, win, win.”
“I informed her I wasn’t even going to have the ability to attend the marriage due to well being points. She had chosen an out-of-state rural location that was not accessible for my wheelchair. I wouldn’t have been capable of afford the journey to start with anyway. She acquired upset and stated I used to be simply being merciless.
I assume she talked to another person or had time to calm down and referred to as me the subsequent day apologizing for accusing me if making an attempt to spoil her big day. I imply I had been coping with the identical well being points lengthy earlier than she obtained engaged and even began courting the person she was about to marry. Additionally, asking somebody in a wheelchair to attend a wedding ceremony within the forest off a climbing path with no quick access isn’t nicely thought out is it?”
5. Very bizarre
“Had a woman I had by no means met or heard of earlier than name and ask me to be her bridesmaid.
She was a good friend of a good friend whom I had helped out years earlier than by being a bridesmaid and doing all her flowers and such as a result of that good friend wasn’t very properly off. Apparently this woman thought I used to be some type of volunteer paratrooper bridesmaid florist? It was very bizarre.
I informed her that I couldn’t as a result of:
A) I didn’t know her
B) I used to be going to have a three week previous child on the time if my due date was right and didn’t need to drive eight hours with a new child.
She appeared happy with this and hung up, solely to name once more a jiffy later to ask if I used to be refusing as a result of he was a lot older than her and I used to be being judgmental and I stated no, as a result of I actually knew none of this as a result of I have no idea you. I’ve by no means heard of both you or your fiance earlier than. Which is – again- the key purpose I might not be your bridesmaid…
I wanted her each happiness and hung up.”
6. Sister story
“My sister asked me to be her Maid of Honor and I declined. She was like “What the heck, why?!” I informed her “You’re just asking me to be nice and because you think it’s the right thing to do. But I’m not your best friend. Jocelyn is your best friend, and she should be your maid of honor.” My sister cried and stated what a good sister i used to be. So i assume i demoted myself to bridesmaid.”
7. An extended story
“My sister had a vacation spot wedding ceremony at first of August of this yr. I’ve three sisters, and the one getting married is the youngest one. All the sisters can be bridesmaids (plus like 5 of her greatest buddies). Drawback was, I acquired pregnant and my child was due in the midst of June. Luckily, she was additionally pregnant and due in March, and she completely understood.
The timing was so borderline. If he was born on his due date, he would solely be 7 weeks previous by the marriage. They advocate ready till two weeks after the 6 weeks vaccinations to fly, however they might do the vaccinations as early as four weeks. If he was early, we’d be capable of make it. If he was late, perhaps not. This was additionally my first youngster, so I had NO clue what to anticipate. Perhaps it might be chaos and touring was a horrible concept. I simply had no means of figuring out.
Because it turned out, I had an induction 5 weeks early on account of a medical emergency. I missed all the wedding ceremony planning stuff because of being sick and then having a new child. However child was wholesome, actually easygoing, and it was wanting like I used to be going to have the ability to go. Not solely that, however my husband needed to take two weeks of his parental depart in order that we might take a household trip simply the three of us. We have been going to island hop for 2 weeks, go to one among his pals, and so on. We have been so excited. I informed my husband that I might e-book our journey and lodging for Oahu first (the place my sister was getting married) and the remainder of the journey was as much as him. I used to be down for no matter. I purchased my bridesmaid gown and booked our journey. Every thing was arising Millhouse.
Then my husband handed away all of the sudden two and a half weeks earlier than the marriage. Clearly I used to be a complete f*cking wreck. However actually all of my household was going to Hawaii for the marriage. My in-laws reside throughout the nation from me. No one needed me to be left alone in order that they insisted child and I nonetheless come to Hawaii. One in every of my sisters helped me cancel my husband’s flight, transfer mine in order that I wouldn’t need to journey alone, cancel my lodging and crash of their room with the child.
Now, I assumed it was apparent I wasn’t going to be within the wedding ceremony anymore. I assumed I didn’t should have that dialog. It was already all the time up within the air whether or not I might have the ability to attend the marriage in any respect, not to mention be a bridesmaid. I assumed it will be clear that a wedding ceremony can be actually f*cking arduous for me as it’s. I didn’t need to destroy all of the movies and footage with my thousand yard stare, operating mascara, and luggage underneath my eyes.
Properly, it simply by no means occurred to my child sister that I wasn’t nonetheless considered one of her eight bridesmaids. God love her, she is superb and considerate and probably the most loving and candy individual I do know. However she simply had a lot happening and she in all probability hadn’t considered it.
The day of the rehearsal, I put the infant in a stroller and hoofed it from the resort. We walked round Waikiki and I attempted to not be desperately depressing behind sun shades. I took footage of my son with the Duke Kahanamoku statue, purchased and ate a quickly melting pineapple delicate serve cone, and window shopped. My mother and father referred to as me and advised me to return again to the lodge so we might “go shopping” so I sighed and went again. Once I acquired there, they have been like, OK we’re going to the rehearsal. I stated, uh you guys are, I’m not. They stated, “[your sister] wants you there.”
I assumed it was bizarre, however I went. And I sat within the again with the infant whereas everybody chatted and received directed round. Then the marriage coordinator stored making references to the place I’ll be standing and sitting, and so on. All of the bridesmaids and groomsmen and my sister and brother in regulation have been standing fanned out up entrance, when the marriage coordinator began speaking about the place within the order I shall be standing in the course of the wedding ceremony (thoughts you, at this level I’m sitting within the third row with my child).
So I stated flatly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not a bridesmaid.” And my sister, standing the place the bride stands in entrance of everybody says, “yes you are.”
And I stated, “I thought you knew I wasn’t going to be. I didn’t have time to get my dress hemmed. I didn’t even bring my dress.”
I don’t keep in mind what occurred after that apart from they reset to do the entire march once more and I picked up my child and walked away to sob behind some bushes. As soon as I received all my sh!t collectively I went again and watched the remainder of the rehearsal. Afterwards I instantly went again to the room, the place considered one of my sister’s buddies was engaged on handwritten identify playing cards.
That good friend was the primary individuals who had donated to a GoFundMe after my husband died, in order quickly as I parked my stroller within the room I began crying and thanking her. She gave me a huge hug and I advised her about how I had a mega meltdown in the course of the rehearsal, and she held me and informed me it was OK, that it’s comprehensible. My sister walked into the room whereas I used to be crying and she gave me a massive hug. I informed her that I used to be sorry, I tousled her rehearsal, and I ought to have advised her I wasn’t going to be her bridesmaid. She stated it was OK, she wasn’t mad.
SO yeah. That’s how that went. The marriage was exhausting for me, however I used to be pleased for my sister. She nonetheless included me as a lot as I used to be prepared to be included. She nonetheless had my make-up and hair completed, and I used to be in her video a little and in household photographs. Through the reception my sister and BIL gave a speech, and she gave a shout out to my husband and I ugly cried. Anyway, I’m nonetheless glad that I went. I really like my sister, she was there for me once I had my child and she was there for me when my husband died. I want I might have been there for her throughout her wedding ceremony, however I did one of the best that I might. Tremendous glad I wasn’t a bridesmaid, although.”
eight. You don’t know me
“My then-boyfriend’s brother’s fiance asked me to be her maid of honor. It was a shotgun wedding due to her pregnancy but it was also about 6 weeks away. I barely knew her and thought it was really weird. I told her she should choose someone she’s known longer and has a deeper connection with or perhaps a family member. I also pointed out that if my bf and I broke up, she would probably hate having me in their wedding photos. That’s got a weird reaction from everyone involved.”
9. Not a good concept
“I turned down a chance to be in a wedding ceremony get together on the summit of Longs Peak in Colorado. Begin climbing at three am so we could possibly be off the summit earlier than the afternoon lightening storms killed us. Sounds nice! (truly sounds terrible, let’s be actual.)
All of us have been in sh!t form, bride particularly. WTF have been they considering? I heard later that it was completely depressing. I assume it turned out so badly that a number of individuals dropped out of the hike. We didn’t get the complete story for months. Numerous minor accidents and they didn’t make it to the summit till midday.
Nobody might inform her it was a silly concept.
This was lengthy earlier than social media. I shudder to assume what she might have provide you with within the age of social media. They would been dropping on to the summit with parachutes.
Sure, they divorced in a few years.
I do not know why a chubby bride thought her chubby associates would all take pleasure in climbing up a 14Okay foot mountain for a dawn wedding ceremony.”
10. No thanks
“Sure….I declined as a result of I noticed the groom to be choosing up the bride by her neck. We have been younger, we have been out clubbing, I don’t know why these two have been even making an attempt to get married, this was again in say, 1998. Anyway, groom-to-be picks up bride by the neck, I name cops, they arrive arrest him, she bails him out similar night time. It was about three or four months later that they have been getting married and she requested me to be the maid of honor! No can do I advised her, I informed her the reality. And she or he was okay with it.
They have been over inside a yr. I simply keep in mind she was crying and so embarrassed that she had simply gotten all these presents for the marriage, and that each one these individuals who got here to her wedding ceremony would discover out that it was all for nothing. So far as I do know she moved again in together with her mother and father for a whereas, she was fairly younger.”
11. Brief discover
“Bride requested me to be a bridesmaid on a Wednesday. Wedding ceremony was on a Saturday. Throughout the nation. She claimed she had ‘requested my Dad to inform me’ (I don’t even reside with him anymore) and spent years with out speaking to me after I declined.
Not a massive loss.”
12. A real bridezilla
“I had a pal from highschool ask me to be her maid of honor. I stated sure, however I used to be fearful concerning the cash. I purchased the gown, began planning her bathe and she was already hounding me about her bachelorette social gathering, although she was 4 months away from getting married. Bridal bathe went nicely for my part, till the bride stored making aspect feedback about how there weren’t sufficient video games, or prizes. (I used to be just lately unemployed and didn’t have cash, however my mother and father have been serving to.) I had deliberate 4 video games, and I assumed that was truthful. She additionally stated the meals wasn’t ok both, and spent the whole time speaking to her different buddies and ignoring me.
The subsequent day she messages me saying we have to meet and plan her bachelorette get together. She needed all of the bridesmaids to return over and have dinner. Nicely, night time of the dinner I used to be actually sick. I’ve a lot of well being considerations and she was conscious of them, however nonetheless obtained mad at me. Be mindful I had been planning and making an attempt to accommodate her requests for the bachelorette get together whereas additionally making it possible. She needed an over night time weekend get away in a air B&B and it might have been like $300 per individual or one thing like that. I attempted to persuade her it wasn’t possible and needed to plan one thing else. I discovered one thing else to do, however hadn’t informed her about it but.
She messaged me later that night time saying how disenchanted she was that I wasn’t being a good maid of honor, and that she shouldn’t should plan her personal bachelorette social gathering, and she principally yelled at me and stated that I used to be a horrible pal as a result of I didn’t do what she needed precisely. Our whole friendship she all the time made it about herself, and I had distanced myself from her lately, and so I used to be stunned she requested me to be her MOH. After that message I used to be like high quality, I’m completed. And I give up her wedding ceremony.
We’re not buddies, and Once we met in individual to debate it she blew up at me for not being there for her, that I used to be ruining her big day, and that she wasn’t getting what she needed. I knew I had carried out nothing incorrect and she was being a bridezilla. Their wedding ceremony lately occurred and I might care much less. She was a poisonous individual and I don’t want that negativity. Positive I really feel dangerous about it, however I additionally know I wanted to face up for myself as our complete friendship she all the time walked over me.”
“My half sister requested me to be her bridesmaid at her extravagant, not small wedding ceremony. All good, till I used to be advised she wasn’t inviting my dad, as a result of he ‘wasn’t her household’ regardless of financially supporting her for 15 years whereas her dad refused to pay any parental contribution.
I needed nothing to do with the marriage after that. I attended, and went to mattress very swiftly after I had a free meal.
To today, my sister continues to be very standoffish and impolite to my dad. It’s triggered no finish of drama in our home, however I really like my dad to items and I’ll all the time stick up for him and all of the superb issues he’s helped us obtain and expertise whilst adults. He’s a very fantastic man.”
14. Not on talking phrases
“My ex husband’s sister had asked me to be her bridesmaid. I declined because it was shortly after his affair and there was a lot of bad blood between his family and me. It was really heartbreaking to do; we had been best friends for years prior. Unfortunately, we no longer speak.”
15. You’re disinvited
“A good friend of a pal requested me to be a groomsman at his wedding ceremony. I assumed it was odd as a result of we solely ever noticed each other once we have been hanging out with our mutual pal. I don’t even keep in mind if I ever met his fiance.
On the time my spouse was pregnant and on account of give start proper across the time of the marriage and additionally I had simply gotten a job once more after being unemployed and was making an attempt to catch again up on funds so paying for a tux wasn’t an thrilling prospect. I declined and informed him I didn’t need to depart them in a lurch if my spouse ended up going into labor as a result of it was such an essential day for them. I thanked him for inviting me and informed him I might attend the marriage however this manner a minimum of they weren’t relying on me.
He understood and was nice with it however referred to as me a couple days later, clearly embarrassed and informed me his fiance was livid and had disinvited me from the marriage.
They ended up getting divorced a few years later.”
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